Church humour. A little levity and a good chuckle is God's gift to us all.

Updated September 2009

Bloopers, Boggles, Typos and Stuff
"Handrails along both staircases assist parishioners to [enter] the lover level."
"When parking on the north side of the church, please remember to park on an angel."
Donna Fowler-Marchant of Fayetteville, North Carolina remembers when she was in a small church where she had to do everything including the bulletin. She intended to type, “I Am Thine, O Lord,” and maybe it was a Freudian slip. Anyway, she typed, “I Am Thin, O Lord.”
Marie Zettler tells of “a lovely ecumenical outdoor worship service at our local agricultural fair today.” After the service, the program listed “Gossip Music, outdoor stage.” Marie, we have “Gossip Music” every Sunday morning at our church. Except they call it the “Prelude.”
Marilyn Leuty says her folks in Grimsby were a bit surprised when they read in the bulletin that "’Doubt’ is available in the office.” Some of the folks were saying you really didn’t need to go as far as the church office to find doubt. Then it turned out that “Doubt” is the name of a movie available for viewing by people in the movie discussion club.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kimosabe, look towards sky; what you see?' The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.' 'What that tell you?' asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?" "You dumber than buffalo poop. Someone stole tent."

Wish I’d Said That! – When all the trees have been cut down, when all the animals have been hunted, when all the waters are polluted, when all the air is unsafe to breathe, only then will you discover you cannot eat money.
...Cree Prophecy

The Philosophy of Ambiguity

• Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
• What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
• If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
• Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
• If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has a right to remain silent?
• Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
• How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
• Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
• How is it possible to have a civil war?
• If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of asteroids?
• Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

Portions of the above were obtained from Rumors, an E-zine, published online by Wood Lake Books and written and edited by Ralph Milton."